So, I haven't written in a long time because I've been kind of busy. I know that's what a lot of people say when they are too lazy to do something but they don't want other people to think they're lazy, but I'm telling the truth. This time, anyway.
I think I should become a professional procrastinator. I have all of the pre-requisites: for one, I'm easily distracted, and two - well, is there really any other pre-requisite for being a procrastinator?
Now you may be asking how I have made it to this point in my life without acknowledging this about myself, and you would be asking a good question. Luckily for me (and other procrastinators like me), denial is key in the cycle of procrastination. As such, while I may have known deep down inside that I am a procrastinator, I have been able to deny it for the majority of my lifetime.
But I have had my day of reckoning, and now I must admit - I am a procrastinator.
I am in graduate school (I know, I know - grad. school + procrastinator = does not compute) and this past Monday I had a 20 page paper due. My topic was medieval anti-Semitism in the writings of Geoffrey Chaucer. As you can see, it was thrilling stuff. I just knew I would have no difficulty knocking it out over the weekend.
Now, there's bad news and there's even worse news. My husband was out of town for the weekend, which means that not only did I have to write a 20 page paper about Geoffrey Chaucer's use of anti-Semitic themes in The Canterbury Tales while experiencing single parenthood, but (and here's the worse news) WE DON'T HAVE CABLE ANYMORE.
Let me digress momentarily - about six months ago we decided that we don't read enough and that we would turn off the cable in order to eliminate the distraction of television. Didn't work. Now we just watch half fuzzy, horizontal line moving, whatever-the-hell is on, network television. But it still goes against our moral conviction, so we haven't had the cable turned back on yet.
As a procrastinator, the television is the 2nd most convenient form of delaying a task; however, the ability to use this form of procrastination becomes greatly inhibited when you only have 4 channels, one of which is the French-speaking version of CBC. And for those of you who have ever tried to watch network television on the weekends, you know that right about 1:30 on
Saturday afternoon the French-speaking CBC was looking pre-tty interesting.
Finally, FINALLY I told myself that no matter how intently I concentrated, I was never going to "get" the French Canadian version of "Antiques Roadshow." So I turned it off.
Hmmmm.......I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop on my - well - lap, and I've got all my books and copies of articles spread out around me. I say to myself, "the child is taking a nap, the TV is off........I should get down to the business of Chaucer." Forty-five minutes later when my three year old was shaking me saying, "Wake up, Mommy.....I want some juice," I realized just how desperately I did not want to write this paper.
Sleep: the number 1 most effective form of procrastination. It doesn't matter if you've had 95 hours of sleep in the last 3 days, when you are procrastinating you are overcome by the need to sleep. You cannot avoid it. You try not to look it in the eye, but you can't help it. You are drawn to it like a fat kid to a fudge pop. It's like the tractor beam of sleep is sucking you in. To resist is futile.
I was so tired I felt like I had run two marathons and given birth in-between. I drank an ungodly amount of Dr. Pepper and coffee (not together, although I might try that next time). I ate chocolate and Cheetos and Cookie Crisp cereal. I moved from the couch to the table. I sent the child to her grandmother's house. I did EVERYTHING I could think of to wake myself up, and to some degree it worked. While the exorbitant amount of caffeine and chocolate did not necessarily keep me awake, the fact that I had to pee constantly did help to make the sleep cycles shorter.
Ultimately, I got the paper finished and it was quite good. The last three pages are still a little fuzzy, so I can't really say that I wrote a convincing conclusion, but the rest.......well, let's just say I took Chaucer to a whole new level!
And I learned something in the process. I'm a damned good procrastinator.
I think I should become a professional procrastinator. I have all of the pre-requisites: for one, I'm easily distracted, and two - well, is there really any other pre-requisite for being a procrastinator?
Now you may be asking how I have made it to this point in my life without acknowledging this about myself, and you would be asking a good question. Luckily for me (and other procrastinators like me), denial is key in the cycle of procrastination. As such, while I may have known deep down inside that I am a procrastinator, I have been able to deny it for the majority of my lifetime.
But I have had my day of reckoning, and now I must admit - I am a procrastinator.
I am in graduate school (I know, I know - grad. school + procrastinator = does not compute) and this past Monday I had a 20 page paper due. My topic was medieval anti-Semitism in the writings of Geoffrey Chaucer. As you can see, it was thrilling stuff. I just knew I would have no difficulty knocking it out over the weekend.
Now, there's bad news and there's even worse news. My husband was out of town for the weekend, which means that not only did I have to write a 20 page paper about Geoffrey Chaucer's use of anti-Semitic themes in The Canterbury Tales while experiencing single parenthood, but (and here's the worse news) WE DON'T HAVE CABLE ANYMORE.
Let me digress momentarily - about six months ago we decided that we don't read enough and that we would turn off the cable in order to eliminate the distraction of television. Didn't work. Now we just watch half fuzzy, horizontal line moving, whatever-the-hell is on, network television. But it still goes against our moral conviction, so we haven't had the cable turned back on yet.
As a procrastinator, the television is the 2nd most convenient form of delaying a task; however, the ability to use this form of procrastination becomes greatly inhibited when you only have 4 channels, one of which is the French-speaking version of CBC. And for those of you who have ever tried to watch network television on the weekends, you know that right about 1:30 on
Saturday afternoon the French-speaking CBC was looking pre-tty interesting.
Finally, FINALLY I told myself that no matter how intently I concentrated, I was never going to "get" the French Canadian version of "Antiques Roadshow." So I turned it off.
Hmmmm.......I'm sitting on the couch with my laptop on my - well - lap, and I've got all my books and copies of articles spread out around me. I say to myself, "the child is taking a nap, the TV is off........I should get down to the business of Chaucer." Forty-five minutes later when my three year old was shaking me saying, "Wake up, Mommy.....I want some juice," I realized just how desperately I did not want to write this paper.
Sleep: the number 1 most effective form of procrastination. It doesn't matter if you've had 95 hours of sleep in the last 3 days, when you are procrastinating you are overcome by the need to sleep. You cannot avoid it. You try not to look it in the eye, but you can't help it. You are drawn to it like a fat kid to a fudge pop. It's like the tractor beam of sleep is sucking you in. To resist is futile.
I was so tired I felt like I had run two marathons and given birth in-between. I drank an ungodly amount of Dr. Pepper and coffee (not together, although I might try that next time). I ate chocolate and Cheetos and Cookie Crisp cereal. I moved from the couch to the table. I sent the child to her grandmother's house. I did EVERYTHING I could think of to wake myself up, and to some degree it worked. While the exorbitant amount of caffeine and chocolate did not necessarily keep me awake, the fact that I had to pee constantly did help to make the sleep cycles shorter.
Ultimately, I got the paper finished and it was quite good. The last three pages are still a little fuzzy, so I can't really say that I wrote a convincing conclusion, but the rest.......well, let's just say I took Chaucer to a whole new level!
And I learned something in the process. I'm a damned good procrastinator.
posted by Tiffany | 8:35 AM
1 Comments:
Funny!
Though I may have to compete with you for that title... :)
Empress4
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